Demography, an intern's adventure into a shoebox filled with demos

Today, the hammer has fallen. People are beginning to notice that I haven’t really done much. Two blog entries in a secluded corner of the Internet do not a real internship make, or so says my conscience. Well, today is the day; today is that very special day when I open up the shoebox full of demo cds, and peer into the desolate darkness of what a lot of 18-30 year old guys have spent their weekends recording over the last four years. Not surprisingly, so far it has not been surprising. Apparently the last four years have been pretty slow, not terribly complicated, pleasant sounding, and vaguely sad. Here I thought I was the only one who liked to mope around picturesque locations and let my thoughts wander all over all of the multifaceted areas of myself and what I think and have thought, and dare I say it, feel. Oh well, sometimes it feels good to feel, and reflection can be nice, so as I write this I continue my journey through mumbled sentiment and slower than the average zombie’s heart beat paced tunes in the hope of finding the bleeding heart of a few special zombies, and in all likelihood, zombies who can play a saw.

Lets begin at the beginning, and ignore the fact that that was a paragraph ago. The selection processes for which demos to actually listen to was probably the most fun part so far. There was a great deal of variety in the amounts of effort put into these things, from nice embossed foldy cardboard things with cute little prints on them to cds folded up rather artlessly in photocopies, and even two Xeroxes stapled together around a cd. Apparently, some of america’s youthful young songwriters only picked up guitar because they never did any origami in art class, too bad, with 1000 cranes I might have cared to listen to your cd. I can’t help but be reminded of this show I saw at some art space in providence, Melt Banana, Daughters and Neptune (not Pharell, google them) were playing. Perhaps because it was Providence (smells like perma-dirt), or because Neptune actually makes their own instruments, or because the bathrooms were so disgusting a hobo wouldn’t even lay down and die in one, the experience has typified DIY in my mind. That’s not a bad thing, fucking Melt Banana played, it was just kind of stinky that’s all. Anyways, this high school stoner metal band opened, but they had a flute and were afraid of the microphone. When I look at some of these creepy Xerox things all I can think about is one of those kids handing me something like it, all mumbling and spilling natural grease from his face enshrouding locks. So yeah, I am not going to listen to those demos until I can get over the fear of Black Hole esc creepoid teens whispering about intravenous drugs and extra creative sexual situations.

Along those lines, the band named after an act of assault with an awful Korn like cover of elongated rabbits and ink blotches (stab wounds? shut gun blasts? Frankenthaller?) is also going to have to wait to be micro-discovered, mostly just because the art is so terrible. On the upside, one band actually bought or swapped out the printed material inside of a real jewel case, they are going to get a listen just for that, and having a horse on the cover. I mean yeah, we have seen the sepia-toned, typewriter print aesthetic before, and no doubt its going to be more cowboy boot gazing stuff, but the print on the cd actually matches the background. So yeah, for future reference, unless your just giving a cd to your friend, these brown foldy cardboard things seem to be available, they look like recycled grocery bags so I’m sure they aren’t terribly expensive, and hey, someone might actually listen to your pet Maxell which you (hopefully) worked hard on.

Here is a reduction of the selection that I put these things through:



Thumbs up.



Thumb creeped out.


Well, the next cd has gone in. The last one was ok; it faded in to the background admirably. I see why it’s case bragged of “support” from Red House Painters, because some songs are really long, kind of quiet and might be written about a house plant or a cat. Before you get too mad at me for being a twat, let it be known that I have two wonderful cats. I have just never seen fit to write a song about them, or listen to songs written about someone else’s. No wait, I did write a song about them, but it was funny. This new one came up on my iTunes, which means someone else has heard it and decided that it was “punk and alternative.” That’s a pretty awful label to give something; I thought punk was supposed to be anti and not alternative. Musically I guess it is alternative, as in an alternative to the hoards of generic college type bar bands out there. Choose the one your friends like, play at your bar, they are all the same, t-shirts are still going to run you 15$ no matter what. Yeah, this is fucking terrible, a lot of the stuff has just been kind of ho hum and well intentioned, this one should be shot. Cool sticker though, free stickers are good. Lets see what the typewriter cowboy has for us today; perhaps I will use the import button at some point, perhaps. Maybe if one of these demos is good I will actually use the bands name. Hey, I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, and besides, how many times have you googled your own name?

Oh god, speaking of names, this one is just a country act by some guy. I should be excited, I love country, read: the alt. Country that comes down the line to the average indie audience (Richard Buckner, Cory Branan and the like). This one is ok; the guy’s voice is nothing to speak about, and maybe a little annoying even. The guitar is what you’d expect. The drums tap the tempo steadily until the next punctuation point. Eventually harmonica inevitably comes in, its kind of standard and folksy, and I guess it is supposed to summon my sentimental side, but I think he is busy somewhere, maybe checking his email in the dark cave that is my soul. This is good enough, it would be fun to see at a bar with beer in hand, but I’d leave if my friends didn’t want to stay. As the vapid 20 somethings on MTV say, “NEXT!”

Just my luck. This one comes up on iTunes too, except I seem to have a choice as to what it actually is! What do you think reader, I can’t decide, honestly all these options are just too fucking good:

Agnes, Queen of Sorrow – Bonnie Prince Billy

Trust me - guru

Bullets – Editors

Cameltoe Maxi –FannyPack

Kenny G – Kenny G

Michael Bolton Nessun Dorma (Single) – Michael Bolton

Celebration (Single) –Dj Bobo

Normally I would totally go with anything mentioning camel toe, but Kenny G and what appears to be a Michael Bolton single for the Indian market (if that’s wrong assume ignorance, not racism). I have to google that!



Oh, crap. Looks like I am racist, it’s a fucking aria. Good god, imagine Michael Bolton smarming an aria through your ear canals, gross. The only thing that’s worse is the song that I am listening to right now; it’s like a pirate accordion round. Arg ye scallywags, yer singing the wrong verses! This sucks. What the fuck is with all this gypsy/organ-grinder shit these days? Your damn softball team aren’t a bunch of pirates and you don’t fight the system, ditch the Halloween garb. Shit, the song just rhymed theorize with symbolize. Here’s a song, “I went to college too, I went too college too, I don’t understand anything any better now, but I still know that I hate you.” God if this is what you want just go track down a Tyrannosaurus Rex album, you will be rewarded.

Damn, you know, I really didn’t want to be so assening and critical, but after just five demos I’ve really snapped. I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m ever going to be a force for encouragement in this world. I am taking a dinner break...



What’s this, the last demo (for now at least)? Maybe it will be good digestion music. The cover is a cute silver silk screen on black construction paper of robots and deer trading records. Musically it is even good enough that I will say the band’s name. Statue Park congratulations, ep1 is the best demo of the day by far. Musically its about as cute as the cover, I guess this is what you call IDM, but I could be wrong, really its just kind of poppy and made with a laptop or two. Nope, the songs after the first are two slow to dance too, so I guess that label is a mismatch. It does kind of fit in with a certain niche of self-conscious bands that employ drum machines and loops and all that. With a song called “sex batteries” and “expectations like suicide” what can you really expect? It’s kind of like admitting you grew up eating sugared cereal and watching MTV, and even though you are older now and learned about depression, you still kind of like those things. Oh well, the songs that bring in different instruments are nicest, with some guitar or sax taking the saw's tooth off of the wave. Yeah, this is definitely ok. Oh wait; there is a disco remix at the end. I’m going to ignore this completely, the disco remix. It only means I would have to say stuff about remixes and stuff, and damn if I just don’t want to.

God, I just read over this, and you know, totally unlike listening to only 5 demos, it went really quickly. I hope you'll join me next time I engage in such a totally masochistic enterprise. Later.